Am I living my 30s wrong?

 I’m 30 years old and I’ve been living and working in Pohang for the last 3 years. I have a good salary and a respected job, but my parents are always meddling in my life. They started to nag me as soon as I got a job. I know from experience that their nagging changes depending on my age and situation.

I don’t have any hobbies that interest me. I never played games. I like to read books, think by myself, drink soju alone, watch Netflix with snacks, and surf the internet before going to sleep. My parents live in Gyeonggi-do, and they keep asking me when I will get a girlfriend. They don’t understand that I’ve only had one relationship in my life, and that was 7 years ago after I finished my military service. (Some people say that it gets easier once you try it, but that’s not true for everyone.) I don’t have any female friends and my social circle is very small. I only have four close friends who are similar to me. (They all work at the same company as me.)

My parents may think that it’s impossible for someone with a job to not date, but there are many people like me around here. I don’t compare myself to others, but I get annoyed by their attitude that makes it seem like dating is something that anyone can do if they try hard enough. I’m not a burden to them, and I don’t spend their money, but they still look at me with disdain. They act like they are doing me a favor by raising me, feeding me, and educating me, but how long do they expect me to be grateful for that? Can’t they accept that their son is just an average guy who managed to get a job?

They also criticize my hobbies and lifestyle choices. They tell me to go out and exercise or join a club, or they ask me why I stay in my room all the time like an unemployed person. Don’t they know their own child after 30 years? Can’t they admit that their son is just a loner who likes to stay at home? At first, I ignored them, but now they are so persistent that I feel stressed every time I go home. I don’t like to share my personal stories with anyone, not even my friends, so I wrote this anonymously online. If I talk about this outside, people will gossip about me and judge me for being 30.

Will my parents ever stop bothering me? This is the best I can do. What more do they want from me? Is it weird that I live like this? I don’t care about clubs or other activities. I think camping and traveling are too much trouble. Do they want me to go on a blind date and ruin the mood with my awkwardness? I just want some peace when I go home, but it’s hard to find in a small town in the countryside. Should I buy a shabby apartment and only visit them on holidays?

Comments

- I don’t think avoiding my parents is the answer because I’m not the type to do that😢

- You can choose to live like that for the rest of your life, but if you don’t exercise, socialize, or date, it’s because you’re stuck in a sense of defeat, and that’s not a healthy life. You’re just ignoring the advice of those around you and slapping yourself in the face.

- Empathy But I can understand that parents’ worries about their unmarried children and the perceptions of others are inevitable.

- I think it’s something I have to endure because of the sin of not getting married.

- Usually, people who are older than me and unmarried recommend getting married. Maybe there are many people who regret missing the timing and not getting married?

- My parents are like that too, so I'm very serious. I was born and raised by my mom and dad, but I'm a different person. I have different personalities, hobbies, and values about marriage and romance. We talked about this a lot, and we had many fights at first, but gradually they realized that I was a completely different person, and they listened to me more than before.

- If I meet someone who is compatible with me, I will date them and get married if I want to, or I will stay single if I prefer that. My parents will always compare me to others, so the only way to avoid them is to go home less often. Luckily, I live in another area, so I just need to adjust the frequency of visiting my parents' house.

- There are people who don't get married by choice, there are people who can't get married by circumstance, and there are people who think they can't get married because of their personality. It's not a sin to not get married, but if you think you can't get married because you're too timid or passive, and you actually want to get married, you need to change your mindset. If you're not interested in marriage at all, I don't know, but the original poster seems to want to do it but gave up because of his personality. I don't think it's a healthy or good life to live like that.

- I'm living a good life. I'm also working in a province that has nothing to do with me, but I'm saving money to buy an apartment... I'm not in a relationship, I don't have many friends, but I'm happy.

- You have to listen with one ear and let it go with the other because you don't see them and live with them every day. Ha ha.

- Even among the adults in my family, there was someone who didn't have a proper relationship until he was in his 50s. He just enjoyed his hobbies, and then he met a woman who shared his interests a year ago, and now he's living a good life.

- As a parent, you can't help but worry. You just have to live moderately and go with the flow.

- I can't change their minds because they're adults. My brother doesn't drink or smoke and he doesn't have any greed. He just watches comics, dramas, and movies at home. But my mom also said that he should meet people outside and have fun. But my brother was like that, so he went outside and drank and smoked and made a fuss. So my mom didn't say anything after that. Ha ha ha ha. A crying son is better... It's fixed like that. Ha ha. I listen with one ear and spill it with the other. I say it out loud. Ha ha.

- My parents' generation thinks that if you can't get married, it's almost like a defect, so it's hard to change their perception. Especially if all the relatives and peers are married except for their own children.

- Wow, I laughed for the first time in a long time when I saw the comment. Why are you asking me if I can't get married... Ha ha. What should I do? Really.

- I have to strongly assert that this is who I am and I don't want to change. I'll live my life on my own terms rather than live as my parents tell me to do and blame them later.

- You seem to be living a good life, but why bother?

- Parents and their peers talk about their children's marriages as the main topic of conversation. Their grandchildren are the main topic of conversation too. There is a natural timing for these things, but they are also under such social pressure in real-time. They are the ones who have lived according to such norms. Even if they know that the world has changed, they can't change their expectations. They can't change themselves either. So I have to listen with one ear and let it go with the other.

- Parents have only seen people living similar lives, so they can't help it. And there are many people whose only happiness is their children's competition. And I have no choice but to gradually reduce my contact with them.

- Parents can't help it. You just have to listen with one ear and let it go with the other.

Here is the refined version of the text:

- I think he's a bit passive. There are more men who have that kind of tendency than I thought...

Men with that kind of tendency usually get to know each other for a long time through hobbies or something, and then they don't actively pursue romance or marriage, whether it's through clubs or blind dates.

But it's not like they're complaining that they want to be in a relationship. They're happy with their reality and the small things. There are a lot of good people at work. It's just their tendency.

- I can't even make my own living.

- In my parents' generation, it was so natural to start a family, so I understand that they feel frustrated, but times have changed, and there is no right answer to life. I'm living a satisfied life and I don't feel anything missing, but I don't dare to... I just feel like I'm living a good life without hurting anyone.

- You seem to be living too well. The older generations also need to get out of the old mold...

- There are so many young people out there these days who are doing things like that...

I wish they would acknowledge that the world is changing and accept the changes.

- Your parents are from that generation, and if they have raised you like that all your life, there is no way they will change. If you hate the opposite sex and are satisfied with your life alone, you should develop a mentality that can ignore your parents' nagging. And if you are a filial son who can't ignore your parents' words even if you die, you should jump into the blind date or marriage agency market as soon as possible.

- What I really don't understand is that when I was younger, they would have liked it if I stayed at home reading books and watching TV, and I was fucking happy. I didn't have any money, I was quiet, but I was slow, so why did they suddenly tell me to go out? I can't meet any women, I can't meet any men, and then I'm getting older, so why don't I get married?

- They'll nag even if you get married.

- Those parents feel sad when their children don't visit them and don't contact them, not knowing that it's because of them.

- The parents of that house are the ones who think of marriage as a quest. If you get a job, you should get married. If you get married, you should have two children. If you save money, you should buy a 30-square-meter apartment.

- If it's gender reversal, it's completely me. 😢

- But when I look at my lifestyle and friendships, I'm a first-class groom candidate, but I don't have any hobbies or friends. Ha ha ha ha. How precious is a man who is decent and sincere? Ha ha ha ha. But if you can't do it because you think you're not good enough, not because it's comfortable now, I want to tell you to have the courage to go out.

- Originally, yes, when I was young, my goal was to get into a good university, and when I graduated from college, my goal was to get a job. And as I wrote, I managed to get a decent job, so people around me think that my son is 30 years old now and he just needs to marry his wife. So they just nag me about it. If he was still looking for a job, they would give me some tips. If he was annoyed, he would marry someone and then divorce them. And then he would never do anything in his life again. He would never talk about it again. He would think he was crazy. But this is just the beginning. The peak is in the mid-to-late 30s. And when he's over 40, they'll stop nagging me but sigh while watching me.

- I hope you'll be mentally independent as soon as possible.

- When I got a job and settled down around that age, my parents definitely pushed me to date and get married😢 My friends in that age group had a hard time because of that😢

-Looking back, the friends who were going to leave left anyway, and the friends who stayed are doing well.

- I don’t date either and my parents are freaking outㅠㅠ They think there must be many good people at my company since I work for a reputable one. They urged me to find someone there. But I don’t want to date just anyone, and honestly, dating at work doesn’t make sense to me. I worked hard to get in, so I don’t want to risk it. And there’s no one I like at my company anyway. I’m still young, but they act like I’m doomed to be single forever. How ridiculous is thatㅠㅠ

- You have four friends? And they’re close friends? Wow, I’m jealous.

- I’m 4n years old and my parents started nagging me about marriage when I was in my early 30s. Whenever they brought it up, I would say, yeah, I know. It’s really weird that I don’t have any interest in it. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be like this. But what can I do? I’m so happy with my life right now. And I would smile. All the adults, including my parents, were speechless and didn’t bother me anymore.

- I’ve been saying I don’t want to get married since elementary school, but now that I’m old enough and there’s no sign of me getting married, they resort to all kinds of threats and gaslighting. They say they won’t leave me any inheritance. But I don’t care about that. I don’t want to get married, and I don’t even want to live with anyone in the same house. It’s driving me crazy these days ㅠ

- It’s not over for the other fans either. Even if you get married and have a child, they’ll start nagging you about having a second one. LOL

- I was like that too, but after hearing it every day, I moved out and now I only hear it occasionally on holidays. LOL LOL LOL If they tell me to date, I say I’m too busy with my hobbies.

- You need to distance yourself from them. There’s no end to their meddling.

- You have to keep telling them how you feel. If you don’t want to get married, you have to make your parents understand over time. I’ve been talking seriously about it every time something related came up for about seven years, and now they say, you don’t have any plans for marriage, do you? Like thatㅠㅠㅋㅋㅋㅋ

- They think everything will change when you get a job. They think you’ll automatically date and get married ㅋㅋ Like automatic hunting. They don’t realize that marriage is as hard as getting a job, but they won’t stop nagging you once they start ㅋㅋ They’ll nag you forever.

- This is a real problem, but most parents think that their child's marriage is their final duty in life...

So I told my parents clearly that I didn't want to get married and they should stop treating it like homework. But they still joke around and don't listen to me haha. They still bring it up sometimes..

- There's nothing wrong with me, but the parents think that they have to raise their children until they get married and settle down...

- I declared that I would never get married. I kept telling them that they should live their own lives and do what they want to do.

- It's my future, and I'm stressed out... The point of this post is not that I can't get married, but that it's wrong for my parents to control everything I do until I grow up and have a stable life.

- I think you're just living a good life, but it might be better for your mental health to reduce the contact with your parents a little bit.

- I also came to Pohang for work, but there are not many women in their 20s or older here... Most of the men who come to Pohang are from engineering colleges, and the locals leave Pohang for college and never come back. That's why there are a lot of people like this, but it's not bad, and the housing is cheap compared to the salary, so I can buy a house easily. Everyone has their own life, and parents can't control it.

- I'm a woman and I'm married, but I still hear them nagging... It's funny, my mom and I have similar personalities and lifestyles, but my mom nags me a lot, haha, like why are you at home on the weekend, etc... I don't think they'll ever understand that this kind of interference makes me stressed out and lowers my self-esteem.

- If you think from your parent's perspective, you're still young and bright, but they're frustrated because you're only staying in the corner of the house, and when you get older, your physical strength and health won't keep up, so there are many things you can't do.

Source: theqoo